The Girl in the Comfortable Quiet Read online

The flashes stop, the photographers take several steps back, and I turn to see Linda Rowan closing in on me, cutting through people. I never thought I’d ever be so glad to see Linda.

  Before I can say anything, she pulls me against her in a breezy, firm hug. “Finally, the girl of the hour has arrived.”

  The way she says that tells me she’s putting on a show because we are being watched by press, but her demeanor betrays she’s worried about me and my reaction to this.

  “Better late than never,” I reply and then kick myself because that was a lame response.

  Linda does a little shake of her head in front of me. “Probably not the best words for a pregnant woman to say.”

  I nod. “Probably not.”

  Having our conversation being watched and Linda staring at me are disorienting things. I feel the heavy pressure of eyes on me from every direction and I don’t know what to say or do.

  Before I can decide what my next move should be, she grabs my hand and pulls me behind the canvas curtain separating the patio from the party.

  Once we’re out of view, her smile disappears and she stops, her lively eyes alertly searching my face. “Jesus Christ, Chrissie. Your expression when you walked in. I was half afraid you’d go into labor right then. Are you OK?”

  I flush. “I’m fine. But I can’t tell you how grateful I am that you’re here.”

  I’m shocked by how much I mean that.

  Linda’s dark brown eyes sparkle with anger and humor simultaneously. She shakes her head. “Well, leave it to men to fuck everything up. And leave it to a woman to have to fix it. Poor Michelle. Lovely woman, but the bastards were running all over her. You can’t let the management or the label take control, Chrissie, or they’ll fuck you. What the hell was Neil thinking giving Ernie carte blanche to turn this into a farce? You don’t need this kind of bullshit. Not now.”

  I stare, confused and overwhelmed, my thoughts a jumbled mess. “How did you know what was going on here? How did you know to call Michelle?”

  She arches a dark brow on her severely beautiful face. “Jack called me. Suggested I might want to help the Stantons with this, and it all just sort of morphed into Michelle and I throwing the shower together. The woman definitely needed some help. If Ernie treated my mother the way he treated Michelle, I’d put a bullet in him. Damn Neil. Men can be so thoughtless.”

  Jack? My thoughts are too disorganized to process that one or why Jack would call Linda to fix this disaster.

  Her eyes soften in a way I’ve never seen before and with a hand she brushes back wayward hair from my face. “I’m so happy you let me do this and that we’re going to have a long visit. It’s been too long, Chrissie. You shouldn’t be such a stranger. I’ve missed you.”

  “Me, too.” I surprise myself a second time by meaning that admission as well.

  I’d forgotten there are moments when Linda feels almost maternal to me, that as odd as that is given who she is, that it is a pleasant thing how deeply caring she is. I would never have made it through the turbulent first weeks with Alan in New York without her. She has a way of soothing and holding everything, everyone around her, together.

  But her being here, like this? Nope, I could have never imagined this. As unexpectedly generous as she’s always been to me, this is incomprehensible. That she would take over putting together mine and Neil’s baby shower and want to.

  Strange. Completely strange. But it’s probably stupid that I’m questioning this because, no matter the reason, I don’t doubt she’s the only person that’s kept this from being totally hideous.

  The arrival of Jack abruptly ends my musings.

  I’m suddenly in his warm, protective arms. “Baby girl, you look beautiful today. Are you doing all right?”

  Jeez, is that the way today is going to go? Everyone wondering if I’m doing all right?

  I manage to smile. “I’m great.” My gaze shifts to the gathering beneath the tent. “It’s quite a party being thrown for me.”

  “Thanks to Linda,” he announces warmly, shifting his twinkling gaze to her.

  Linda rolls her eyes. “Will you stop, both of you? It was nothing. I’m a world class party giver, and it had to be done.”

  Jack drapes an arm around each of us, and I’m feeling that irked and don’t know why sensation. My gaze pauses on the way my dad’s fingers rest on Linda’s bare shoulder.

  Jack stares out at the party, then grimaces. “Well, it was bound to happen eventually,” he says, annoyed.

  My eyes widen. “What was bound to happen?”

  “Neil’s career has exploded with this latest tour, and now everyone wants a piece of him. He is big business not a musician anymore. But you’ve got to lay down the law, Chrissie, and not let them walk all over you.”

  I tilt my head to meet Jack’s eyes directly. “I would have, but no one told me what was happening. Including you. Why didn’t you tell me?”

  He looks uncomfortable. “You don’t need any stress, any pressure right now. I thought damage control the best option.”

  Smiling, Linda leans around Jack to look at me. “I’m the damage control.”

  They both laugh, but something about their manner is bugging the hell out of me.

  I step out of Jack’s embrace. “I should probably say hello to Michelle and thank her for all she’s done.”

  Linda lets out an exasperated breath. “Crap, what am I doing monopolizing the guest of honor? We’re going to have plenty of time to catch up this week.” She turns to my father. “Jack, get your girl out to the party. But don’t let that bastard Ernie near her.”

  Their eyes meet. “I won’t,” he says in a silly, exaggerated way. “I definitely don’t want you pissed at me. The best part of the morning was watching you run all over Ernie.”

  She arches a brow. “Aha.”

  Grinning, Jack shifts his gaze from her, and before I can try to figure out that one, my dad is guiding me through the crowd.

  We step beneath the tent, and this time, I’m gratefully swallowed up in the large circle of Stantons. Soon, Jack and I are both smiling and laughing, trying to keep up with their racing chatter and festive spirit.

  “Chrissie!”

  My smile grows enormous and I whirl in the direction of Mia Stanton’s voice. For a moment my eyes fix on Linda, standing alone at the edge of the party, her posture a smidge like that of a security guard and her gaze observing everything.

  My heart contracts, though I’m not certain why. Only the way Linda is watching me makes me sad. Very, very sad.

  CHAPTER THREE

  I sit in the passenger seat as Jack slowly drives the last miserably bumpy mile to my house.

  I sneak a peek at him from of my peripheral vision. This is strange. Really strange. Jack driving me home in my car. Linda following behind in Jack’s. Wouldn’t it have made more sense for Linda to take me back up the mountain since everyone after the party made such a fuss over my exhausted state and none of them wanted me to drive?

  Somehow it just sort of happened this way. And it’s definitely lame to be bothered by it since I really am too tired to drive. I lean my head against the window. Maybe it’s only because I’m ready to be done with this day.

  “You hanging in there, baby girl?”

  The way Jack says that tells me he’s worrying about me. I’m not sure it’s just about my being pregnant or because I did a bad job today of hiding how irritated I am with Neil about the Ernie thing.

  “Sure, Daddy. I’m great.” I turn my face toward him and smile. “It was just a long day for me. Kaley and I are not used to this level of excitement.”

  I make a comical face.

  Jack laughs. “Me, too.”

  I pull down the visor and look in the mirror. I frown. “Is Linda still behind us? I can’t see her. If she gets lost on the mountain we may never find her again.”

  Jack’s chuckles deepen. “She’s there. The woman drives like a maniac. I couldn’t shake her if I wanted to.”

/>   His voice is affectionately teasing and my memories carry me back to the Rowans’ red Ferrari and my drive with Linda in upstate New York. Then in an unavoidable flow my mind drifts to Alan.

  I chase away my wandering thoughts by wondering how Jack would know that Linda is a crazy driver. I frown. Probably just a natural assumption given her personality.

  My mobile phone starts ringing. I grab it from my purse and flip it open, reading the caller ID.

  Good one, Neil. Call when I’m pissed at you and trapped in a car with Jack so I can’t get as angry as I want to.

  I hit the answer button and put the phone to my ear. “Hello?”

  “How are my girls? How was the party?”

  Really, Neil? That’s where you want to start?

  “Don’t even try to talk to me. Both of your girls are pissed at you, Neil.”

  A half-nervous laugh. “What have I done now?”

  I have to forcibly stop myself from making a face at the phone. “Ernie. That’s what you did. Don’t play dumb. I know you know that Ernie turned everything into an overinflated nightmare. And by the way, your dad wants to know when you became a brand instead of his son. Did you really say such a conceited jerk thing to your dad?”

  “Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. What are you talking about?”

  He sounds genuinely confused.

  “Chrissie, are you going to answer me?”

  I let out a breath. “Ernie Levine turned my baby shower into a press opportunity. It was packed with photographers. It was awful. By the way, you owe Michelle an apology after you give one to your dad. If not for Linda, the party would have been a catastrophe.”

  “What the fuck are you talking about?” he asks in that angry, getting-ready-to-go-off-and-fix-shit tone of voice.

  I feel my anger start to wane and I don’t want it to. But I miss him and his voice sounds so good to hear right now and it’s always so hard to stay angry with Neil. My still water pond. Always so calming.

  “Are you going to explain, Chrissie, or just sit there breathing into the phone?”

  “I’m trying to decide if I’m still angry with you,” I snap, but my voice is betrayingly soft.

  He laughs. “If you’re deciding it means you’re not still pissed at me. Which is good because I’m really missing you today.”

  Damn, now I’m teary-eyed. The guy knows how to deal with me too well.

  “I really am angry about what Ernie did to my party,” I reply peevishly.

  Neil sighs. “I know. You should be. I am, too. I wanted this to be a good day for you with my family since I couldn’t be there with you. But I swear I had nothing to do with this. I’ll call Ernie. I’ll fix it. I’ll make it clear you are off-limits. I know publicity appearances are not part of our deal. No publicity. I wouldn’t do that to you, baby.”

  Crap. Now I’m crying. Crying because I believe him. Crying because he gets why I feel this way about never being a part of the publicity, when I hardly had to explain it to him at all before he agreed. Crying because I yelled at him. And crying because I really wish he were home right now.

  Fuck, I hate that I’m sitting beside Jack getting mushy on the phone about my private shit with my husband.

  I push on my nose to hold back the tears. “I’m sorry I yelled.”

  “Am I still part of our deal?” he teases, his voice endearing. “Or are you ready to get rid of me?”

  A soggy laugh pushes out of me. “I’d get rid of you, but nobody would take you. You’d just come back. You always do.”

  I tense. Shit, why did I say that last part? I’m relieved when he laughs.

  “Yep. That pretty much sums up our history, doesn’t it? I’m a one-woman kind of guy.”

  I arch a brow even though he can’t see me. “You had better be.”

  “Don’t ever doubt it.”

  Silence comes through the phone and I can see Neil in my head, his lush green eyes and gentle smile. I don’t deserve him. He’s such a wonderful guy.

  I stare out the window, getting overly emotional again. “I’ve got to go. Jack is with me and we’ve just pulled up at the house.”

  “Talk to you in the morning.”

  I click the phone closed and drop it in my bag.

  We pull into my garage.

  “Everything all right?” Jack asks.

  I give him the look. We both know he heard every word. Lame, Jack. Lame. Sometimes you are not swift at all in the way you probe me about my life. He’s definitely losing his finesse with age.

  “Everything is fine. Neil is going to deal with Ernie so I’m not bothered again.”

  Jack nods. “Good. Don’t let them make you do anything you don’t want to do. Stick to your guns, Chrissie.”

  I frown. Why does he keep telling me that? It’s almost like something is bothering him, but he won’t say it.

  I unbuckle my seat belt and climb from the car before Jack can get to my door to open it.

  “Do you mind waiting for Linda? Settling her in a guest room? I need to get these shoes off and sit down for a moment and catch my breath.”

  He drops a kiss on my forehead. “Go. Take care of you. I’ll take care of Linda.”

  I hurry into the house, down the hallway to my bedroom and close the door. Alone at last. I sink on the bed and kick off my sandals. Those were definitely a mistake. I pull off my dress then reluctantly rise to my feet and go to a dresser drawer for a comfy, loose-fitting nightie.

  I catch a glimpse of myself in the wall mirror. I pause. Jeez, I’m enormous. I run my palms over Kaley, joy and sadness whispering through my veins. Another month and she’ll be here.

  What will I see when I see her? At that moment of truth, will I finally know for sure—I stop myself. I don’t want my thoughts to go there.

  Some things are better left in lockboxes, never to be retrieved, never spoken of, especially when they don’t matter. Neil and I are happy. We have no secrets from each other. We have things we do not share about ourselves, yes, we have that, but in a mutual, caring kind of way. There are parts of Neil’s past he doesn’t talk about with me. There are parts of my history I do not share with him. To protect us. Or as Neil says, part of loving unconditionally. The past doesn’t matter. Not if you love today. Sometimes Neil sounds just like Jack. Heck, it works for us. And I want this baby girl more than I’ve ever wanted anything.

  I pull on my nightgown, run a brush through my hair and leave my bedroom. I find Jack and Linda in the family room sitting side by side on a couch, talking quietly.

  “Have you got Linda all settled into a bedroom?”

  They both look up as if I startled them.

  I sink onto a chair.

  Jack stands up. “I put Linda’s things in the first bedroom next to yours. I know it’s not a guest room, but I don’t want her downstairs while she’s staying here. I want her close to my baby girl in case you need her.”

  I roll my eyes at his ridiculous, relentless fussing over me, and Linda laughs.

  Jack smiles at us both. “I should cut out, Chrissie. You’ve had a long day.”

  My eyes widen. “You’re leaving?”

  Jack drops a kiss on my head. “You need your rest.” He laughs. “I need my rest. Christ, I’m going to be a grandfather in five weeks.”

  He says that in a silly way and I laugh.

  I struggle to rise from my chair.

  Linda springs from the sofa. “Don’t get up, Chrissie. You’ve been on your feet too much today. I’ll walk Jack out.”

  “Thank you, since I don’t think I can get up. I hate this chair. I should never have sat down in it.”

  They leave me. I sit there, wondering why it’s taking so long to hear the door open and close, and for Linda to return. Then I see something on the coffee table. Crap. Jack’s keys. He’s so forgetful. I grab them and push myself out of the chair.

  In the doorway to the living room, I halt and stare. Jack and Linda are standing face-to-face, quietly talking.

  “It means a
lot to me that you did this,” Jack says earnestly.

  Linda’s dark brown eyes are doe-wide as she stares up at him. “It means a lot to me that I got to.”

  They are smiling at each other in a very familiar kind of way. What are they talking about? They look so serious and something else I can’t put my finger on.

  “Daddy, you forgot your keys,” I say, and they step back from each other quickly.

  Jack laughs and comes to the edge of the landing, crouching down. He holds out his hand to me. “Why didn’t you just shout for me? I would have come back and gotten the keys myself.”

  His voice is normal, affectionately chiding, but for some reason he looks a little flustered.

  I crinkle my nose. “I was getting up anyway.”

  “Jack, stop fussing over the girl. It’s good for Chrissie to move as much as she can.”

  Jack looks at me and nods. “Fine. I’ll stop fussing.”

  I tilt my head to the side, giving him a pointed stare. “I don’t believe you, but thank you for pretending you will.”

  He steps back toward the door, pauses and grins at Linda. “You’re right. I’m starting to annoy her.”

  The room fills with Linda’s deep, throaty laugh. “See. I’m always right. You need to remember that.”

  Jack looks back at me and winks. “Linda is always right. Remember that, Chrissie.”

  I’m not even sure how to respond to that one, so I smile and Jack finally leaves. Linda closes and bolts the front door behind him, and collapses back against the heavy wood. She jerks her thumb toward the driveway. “He’s probably out there listening, making sure I locked the front door. God, that man worries about you. Sweet, but I can see that it is a little overwhelming for you at times.”

  “It’s overwhelming all the time. I’m surprised he didn’t spend the last ten minutes telling you how to lock up the house at night.”

  Linda scrunches up her face. “He did tell me. And made sure I repeated it to him.”

  Crap. How humiliating is that? “You’re kidding, right?”

  Linda shakes her head at me. “Stop it. You shouldn’t be annoyed with Jack. Your father is a wonderful man.”

  She says that with an intensity that surprises me since she hardly knows him.